Confessions: Of Love, Desire, and Duty.

I lay awake in bed all night, a lovely lady cradled in my arms where I kept her safe and warm, and I wondered, "What the hell am I doing?" Attraction? Desire? Love? These are not foreign concepts, but in some sense they are forbidden to be chased and, by the Well, attained on my own.

These thoughts began after a lively discussion on Twitter about Prince Kael'thas and his poor courtship of Lady Jaina Proudmoore. First, I must say that before he mingled with the wrong crowd and became power hungry (and subservient to a poor choice in Master), I did respect the man. If the Prince had anything going for him, it was that his heart was always in the right place. He was just a complete dumbass when it came to expressing it. Oh, he was eloquent and well-trained in diplomacy. His social graces were impeccable, and he was an intelligent man. But all of that training was for the benefit of the state. Dealing with other governments is easy compared to one-on-one, person-to-person contact. Worse, when it's regarding affairs of the heart.

It's not that the Prince was forbidden to love, but that in the end he'd be forced to court whomever his father or the Convocation of Silvermoon decided was the "right" girl. And even if he was not interested in girls (I know what you all are thinking right now, but it's a moot point!) he had no choice in the matter. His lot in life was to marry for the good of our people and produce an heir.

Well, we all know THAT didn't happen.

In the meantime, I was more or less married to my job. I worked for Lady Sylvanas. My duties kept me constantly on the move. I always thought there would be time to find the right person and settle down "later."

I never imagined that in this sense, I'd end up like the Prince.

I can't begin to explain how deep is my loathing for discussing this subject with others. After Children's Week, I made an off-hand comment about the kids being cute, and maybe when things in Northrend settle down I could explore those paternal feelings that suddenly surfaced. The next thing I knew, I had letters from several nobles describing in exacting detail the fine qualities of their most eligible daughters. When I politely turned them away, I knew rumors would spread, and suddenly I had young courtiers looking to "gain favor," if you know what I mean (and I think you do).

And THEN there are the political issues. Halduron frets about it with me on occasion. Pick a Farstrider, and people will make accusations of favoritism. Pick a Blood Knight, and risk losing the support of the Rangers with whom I've worked all these years. (Despite my best efforts, the Blood Knight-Farstrider feud still runs deep.) Rommath would like to throw one of his apprentice mages at me, possibly to tip the balance of power in his direction. Warlocks and Rogues, while valuable assets to the government at large, would cause tension that would affect our connection to the other Horde races. By process of elimination, a member of the Priest class seems like the ideal potential mate, but even their sway between Shadow and Light is prime for a political snafu.

And what about those who have not taken up arms to join the defenders of our city? There are all types of people out there in the world--even those not of the Sin'dorei race. However, THAT would cause even more problems. We all know that Vereesa Windrunner was one of us. We give her what respect we can as a former Ranger and Lady Sylvanas's sister. I have an inkling of what type of woman she is. But after marrying a human and then attempting to block our membership to Dalaran and the Kirin Tor, I know how a lot of our people consider her a traitor and blame it on the influence of her human husband, Rhonin. I cannot go down that path right now, even for true love.

All of this said, I am still a man who craves companionship and love as any other. Idle flirtation is fun, but perhaps it is the gravity of the pressure from the government itself requiring that I make the "right" choice that is the reason I can make no choice at all. I know what I like, and I know what I seek, but love and country contracts do not always mix.

I know what you're thinking here, too: What's my type, and frankly, which way do I swing. (I get enough gay jokes that I might as well address the topic, even if only to skim the surface.)

I will say this much: I am comfortable enough with myself that I can say I've met as many unattractive women as I have attractive men. To put it in terms other than sexuality, I might state a preference for people with light-colored hair, but I may see many whom I just don't find attractive. I may also see many with dark hair that I find very attractive. My preference still exists, but doesn't preclude attraction. So yes, I can say the same about the genders. I'm just not saying which of the two I prefer.

The foolish thing about the debate over my sexuality is that the main thing that interests me is a compatible personality. I am attracted to a person of wit and intelligence. One who can hold a conversation long into the morning hours. One who can be playful and serious, and know when is the appropriate time for each. I like a person to be charming and graceful. A potential partner must be strong of character, will, and determination. That person must be able to laugh, but also not afraid to cry. I can't stand a damsel in distress, but need to be allowed a "hero" moment every so often. I want a partner with whom I can stand back-to-back, knowing they will protect me as I protect them. That person should have a sense of curiosity and adventure, but tempered with wisdom and common sense.

These traits are the most important things to me before I can consider looks or even gender.

Might I be describing someone I already know? Again, I won't tell...!

Anyway...for now it seems I will indulge in a playboy lifestyle since settling down is not in my near future.

But a man can dream.